


It seems you’ve found me, as the days keep turning into night

by Orianess



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: AU, Happy Ending, Homeless!Jack, M/M, Mac and Jack met in the sandbox, Rating will go up, Slow Burnish?, Tags will be added, brief angst, but after 64 days Jack went home, discussions of war ptsd, professor!Mac
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:13:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23629027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orianess/pseuds/Orianess
Summary: Mac’s walking home after work and finds all that remains of the man who was his Overwatch. Jack may have fallen on hard times, but Mac doesn’t intend to let Jack stay in the gutter if he has anything to say about it.He just has to make sure his heart doesn’t get in the way.
Relationships: Jack Dalton/Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016)
Comments: 63
Kudos: 89





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story (and title) was inspired by the song:  
> All of My Days by Alexi Murdoch
> 
> As always: a hundred million thanks to KatieComma for giving this a once over for quality purposes, but of course all mistakes are mine

It’s nights like these Angus Macgyver misses the west coast. The rain hasn’t stopped all day and the chill in the air promises sleet, if not snow altogether. He misses a lot of things about his old LA home but he’s not going back. No amount of sunshine or blue sky would be worth doing that.

Fortunately for his sake, his umbrella-covered walk home from the University to his flat isn’t far, and despite it being New York, he’s always felt relatively confident heading home on his own. He’s contemplating ordering some Thai food, something like spicy chicken to help him chase back the cold stinging his ears and nose, but his dinner plans change when a low coughing catches his attention from an alley to his right.

Pausing, he sees a pair of wet boots sticking out beyond a dumpster and a huddled figure curled into themselves and it makes his sense of humanity ache for this stranger. He knows he should keep walking, this is the sort of the thing he sees in the papers all the time. Someone thinks a person is homeless/distressed and they go offer aid and then gets mugged. He’s not carrying anything really valuable but that’s never stopped someone from pulling a gun. But if he leaves, this man might freeze to death out here tonight. 

Against better sense, he pulls his wallet free and finds just shy of fifty dollars inside. It won’t be much but it could afford this stranger a night inside a McDonald’s for the next day or two. They might waste it on booze but if he was in their shoes, he doesn’t think he’d blame them in any case. He steps closer and taps the dumpster wall beside them gently to get their attention.

Mac’s not expecting a familiar pair of eyes to meet his in the dark, the grunge of a scraggly beard or the grime of the street are not enough to hide a face he’d know anywhere. It’s a face that meant safety for a time in his army days, that meant living to see another day.

“Jack? Jack Dalton?” Mac whispers.

The man blinks at him with wide startled eyes for a moment and swallows with considerable effort before he answers, “heya, Carl’s junior.”

Mac’s heart thunders furiously and he feels tears spring to his eyes. He’s been looking for Jack for years, and he’s here, laying in a wet New York alley pass like a man brought back from the dead. And he almost walked by him...

“Oh my god, Jack...” Mac says quietly, “Jack...” he doesn’t even know what to say. What the hell can he say? He owes this man his life, and he’s sitting in the street. How cruel is fate that this could be. It is unacceptable. Mac refuses to accept it. “Can you stand? Can you walk?”

Jack jerks, surprised by that. “I- yeah?”

“Good.” Mac affirms as he searches the ground for a duffle but only finds a ratty backpack that’s soaking wet, “on your feet, soldier. You’re coming with me.” 

“Mac- MacGyver you don’t have to do this...” Jack says gently, trying to curl tighter into himself as if he could disappear into the wall if he got small enough. But that won’t do.

“Yes I do.” Mac argues immediately. “You saved my life. If I do nothing else with my life, I’m giving you a dry place to sleep tonight. Come with me.”

Jack closes his eyes, like he can’t possibly deserve this offer Mac’s making, frown twisting into a pained grimace. Mac is afraid he’s about to refuse so he kneels down into the wet and takes Jack’s cold shaking hand between both of his.

“Jack, please.”

Jack stares at his hand in Mac’s and then looks up at him with a trembling lip. “O-okay?”

“Okay.” Mac agrees, tugging Jack till he’s on his feet. Jack teeters dangerously and Mac steadies him immediately with an arm around his shoulder, putting the umbrella over them without a second thought. “Easy, I’ve got you.”

Jack stares for a moment at him uncertain before Mac leads the way home.

-

If he thought Jack looked bad when under the dim street light, it’s unreal how he looks in the light of Mac’s apartment. 

He’s wearing a pair of jeans but what color they are is undeterminable from the muck stuck to them and his jacket Mac recognizes as a standard issue Army field jacket, frayed and torn at the sleeves from untold hours of defense against the elements. His long-bearded cheeks are sunken in while his greased hair sticks flat and stringy to his skull. Despite all that, Mac can still see those familiar warm brown eyes and the man who was his Overwatch in them.

Jack holds his pack of worldly belongings to his chest as Mac leads them inside, standing uncertainly to the side while Mac throws his things down on the entry counter, eyes wandering with a guilty silence. 

Mac can feel the tension building so he starts, “Well I bet you’d like a hot shower. I can show you where the bathroom is if you want to get cleaned up and I can order dinner. What would you like to eat?”

Jack stares at him like he spoke a different language and it takes him a few seconds to remember words. “Uh a s-shower would be great but you don’t have to... MacGyver this is really nice of you but you shouldn’t waste-“

Mac shakes his head and walks down to the hall that leads to his bathroom, gesturing with an outstretched arm. “C’mon, Jack. I told you you’re gonna have a dry place to sleep tonight and you won’t be dry in those clothes.”

Jack follows him reluctantly and steps into the bathroom, and when he’s inside, Mac smiles at him warmly. “Okay, so there’s towels in the cabinet. Help yourself to anything you need. Just leave your clothes on the floor, I’ll get them washed for you. I’ll put my spares on the counter.”

“Okay...” Jack says quietly, looking wrongly small under the bright bathroom light.

Mac offers him another smile as he pulls the door shut behind him. He orders a pizza, half meat lover half supreme, and wings from the little pizzeria down the street while he gets a pair of baggy sweats and a long sleeve shirt that fits him a little loose. When he returns to the bathroom, the shower is running so he knocks and peeks inside. 

Jack’s bare back is to him and Mac gets a glimpse of him through the mirror, only a quick look but it’s more than enough. The length of Jack’s back and ribs are a patchwork of scars, bruises and scrapes, and Mac can count each rib and vertebrae through his skin. Mac averts his eyes and pokes the fresh clothes through the door.

“Got you some clothes. Take your time in the water.”

Jack carefully takes them and adds a quiet, “...Thanks.”

Mac goes into the kitchen and pours himself a shot of bourbon a coworker gave him for Christmas because he needs something to burn away the sobs that wants to burst out of his chest. How the hell did this happen? The man he knew back in the Army was bigger and broader than him, all hardened muscle and practical strength, and Jack had frequently teased Mac about being scrawny. But there was no room for teasing here.

Jack was barely more than skin and bone now, former muscle having dissolved in a last ditch effort to save his life by giving his body something live off. Mac can’t bear the thought of how long he must’ve lived this way to have gotten this badly emaciated and he throws the liquor back with a hiss. He pours himself another shot, takes it, and sets the bottle aside. There will be time to get drunk and have regrets later, right now there is work to be done.

Mac gathers Jack’s discarded clothes and sets them up to wash with extra detergent and a heavy cycle. He gets his couch set up with sheets, a quilt and a spare pillow from his bed. On a whim, he calls off from work tomorrow. His lecture wasn’t going to be vitally important to the test anyway, just filler material for his students thesis papers, and no matter what happens tonight, he doesn’t think he’ll be up to working tomorrow anyway.

When the food arrives, Mac’s just gotten out the plates and Jack appears like a ghost, looking more than a little lost. Mac falters a little, just from the difference of before and after, and he can’t help but smile at him. 

“Hey good timing. Hope you like pizza, and there’s wings too.”

Jack walks closer and sets his backpack on the floor beside the couch carefully, looking around like he shouldn’t be here, like he’s in danger of being arrested for just existing. 

With a slight frown, he comes closer to the kitchen bar and stands by one of the stools. Mac passes him a plate and slides the box closer.

“Pizza’s great.”

“Great. Dig in then, there’s plenty. You want a beer?”

Jack freezes as he takes a slice to his plate, “you, I don’t think... water’s fine, man. This is plenty.”

Mac watches the way Jack hunches into himself, trying to look small as he sits at the counter, and his heart breaks into smaller pieces. Jack doesn’t think he deserves this, he feels like he’s imposing just by getting to share in some food and shelter. Mac abandons his plate of food and walks around to where Jack is, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Jack... I’m your friend and I haven’t seen you in years. I’ve missed you. You’re not imposing, I just want you to be comfortable. Anything I have that you want, it’s yours.”

Jack doesn’t meet his eyes but Mac sees the way his hands shake, and after a moment, he nods. “A beer would be good.”

Mac hands him one and takes one himself and they crack them open together. They drink and eat in silence at first until Jack says softly, “you’ve got a beautiful home here, Mac.”

“Thanks.” Mac answers, looking around at the blank undecorated flat’s walls and it’s utilitarian-ess. It’s a simple place with a kitchen, a sparse living room, a bathroom, and his bedroom. He’s hardly home and when he is, he’s usually involved in grading papers or thinking up projects for his students. But it is a nice place, he’s never really given it much thought. “It’s been good to me.”

Jack nods at that, and adds in a rueful way, “I ‘preciate you doin’ all this. The food and the shower and lettin’ me stay tonight. But I guess you have questions?”

Mac swallows a bite of food and shakes his head. “You don’t owe me an explanation, Jack. I won’t lie and say I don’t want to know but mostly, I’m just glad you’re alive man. You don’t even know how freakin’ happy I am that you’re alive.”

Jack gives him a raised eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

Mac pauses and sighs. “I’ve been looking for you, ever since I got out of the Army. I went to Texas to look but I didn’t have much to work with, just your last name and a handful of ranches that fit with the description you gave me back in the Sandbox. Met your mom, she’s a really nice lady. She said you had come home for a bit but you weren’t doing too good and you had gone off to do some traveling. She didn’t know where you’d gone so I did some research. I managed to find out you’d had two jobs, one in Las Vegas and one in California and then there was an arrest record after that for drunk and disorderly on San Fransisco but then there was nothing after that. I kept looking, tried asking around to some of your old Delta buddies, but they hadn’t heard from you either. I figured you’d either gone off grid or had died and no one reported it. Either way, the trail went cold, but I was still looking, hoping maybe some day you’d pop back up somewhere.”

Jack stares at him in shocked silence and recovers himself enough to whisper, “Why?”

Mac shrugs. “Don’t laugh, okay?”

Jack nods and Mac closes his eyes, tries to explain the itch that’s been under his skin for far too long. “When you left the Sandbox, I felt like I should’ve gone with you.”

“You didn’t have a choice, Mac.” Jack offers quickly, “you were deployed for at least another year.”

Mac affirms that. “Yeah, I was but... I always felt like it was a mistake when you left. I can’t explain it, just, it felt like I needed to find you again. I’m sure that sounds weird and I’m sorry if that’s creepy but... yeah. I found you, I’m glad I did.”

“I glad you found me too. Weirdo.” Jack just gives him a wane smile and the joke in his eyes is obvious. Mac smiles back and it feels like taking air in after being in water too cold.

They lapse into easy silence for a bit and it’s so comfortable, like no time has passed at all between their last dinner together, Mac can hardly believe it’s been so many years. 

Jack must be thinking the same thing because after a while, he asks, “How long has it been, Mac?”

The question startles Mac into a lack of response for a moment. “I... it’s been about six years now.”

Jack stares at him, that lost lonely look in his eyes again. “Six? Really?”

Mac watches him process that and nods. “Long time to be gone, huh?”

Jack sighs. “Yeah... so much has happened, but I never realized it was that long.”

The silence lingers so Mac serves Jack another slice of pizza and he mechanically eats it while lost in thought.

“I don’t suppose you want to tell me what happened?” Mac offers gently and Jack rouses from his deep reverie with a tender grin.

“There’s not much to tell, buddy. I lost my way in the world and I couldn’t climb out of the hole I dug myself. I don’t think I could explain what it is exactly that led to all this.”

Mac nods. “I’m free to hear it if you want to try.”

Jack pauses mid bite, “doubt you’ve got that kind of time on your hands, dude.”

“As it so happens, I’m free tonight and all of tomorrow. I doubt even you could talk that long.” Mac teases and Jack laughs quietly under his breath for a second.

But after a moment, Jack draws a breath and Mac hears everything.

Jack tells him about coming back to the states as a broken man. Unable to rest easy, because he was always looking for the next threat and jumping at shadows. He was lost in his head a lot and it made keeping a job nearly impossible. And when the jobs became scarce, Jack tried to go home. But it wasn’t home when all he could see was shadows and blood in his dreams.

Jack tells him about running from his beloved Texas ranch when the ghosts haunted him still, left him not only afraid but furious when he couldn’t find the peace he fought sorely to keep. He hadn’t wanted to hurt his family so he’d left before they could stop him.

Jack tells him about running from place to place, trying to push back his nightmares and demons one bottle of whisky at a time. He tells Mac that one bottle of whisky too many left him in a police drunk tank at the mercy of cruel men who had too much time on their hands and a need to hurt something. He didn’t drink after that, didn’t waste precious pennies on liquid illusions because he had learned the hard way he couldn’t afford to be caught so defenseless again.

Jack tells him about riding the rails between grungy cities and old farm towns, looking for a place to curl up and waste away. He talks about how food was rare because women and children got hand outs on street corners and men like Jack were just human trash dirtying up the streets.

There’s a lot left unsaid, things Jack deliberately redirected from saying, but nearly an hour and a half later, Mac has a pretty vivid picture of Jack’s last six years. 

Six years of sleeping cold, hungry, and vulnerable. Six years of having no one to turn to and no reason to live other than survival instinct too deeply ingrained to just turn off. Six fucking years.

Mac wants to yank his own hair out after listening to the horror of his friend’s last couple years, a tragedy beyond words. But he doesn’t say anything, doesn’t offer condolences because what the hell good would they do for Jack now. This man doesn’t need to be pitied, he needs to be given a fresh start and an opportunity to get his life back. But how?

Jack clears his throat, mildly uncomfortable after a moment and says, “I’m sorry, that was kind of a mood killer topic. Why don’t you tell me what you’ve been up to these days? Didn’t you say you lived in California before?”

The rest of the night’s conversation is lighter and simple after that, and they talk about mostly nothing for the next hour. Not long after Mac switches Jack’s clothes to dry, Jack tells Mac he’s tired and after a quick clean up of dinner, they get ready to go lights out.

Mac stands in the hallway for a moment, uncertain about leaving Jack alone and Jack gives him a half smile.

“You sure you don’t need anything?” Mac asks, for a final time and Jack snickers a little.

“Oh it’s a bit rough, but I’ll manage I think.”

Mac snorts and the warmth of having this light-hearted banter back between them fills up parts of Mac he didn’t know were empty.

“Well good night then.” Mac offers and Jack sighs as he stretches out on the couch, his limbs melting into relaxation.

“It will be now. Thanks Mac. Sleep good.”

-

Rest doesn’t come easy that night, Mac dreams of faceless shadowy men lurking in alleyways and running from them with no hope of safety. He wakes with chills on his skin and his mind on full alert when he hears whisper soft steps coming from the living room. He glances at the clock, a quarter after five in the morning and goes to check on Jack.

When he flips on the light, he and Jack lock eyes in wide eyed surprise.

Jack has repacked his bag and folded up the comforter neatly at the end of the couch. He’s tying up his boots, wearing his freshly cleaned jacket and his expression is a little sad. Mac understands in an instant.

Jack was going to leave, he was planning to leave without saying goodbye, and it sends a shock of grief through Mac he can’t explain.

“You were just going to leave?” Mac asks quietly, can’t help the hurt that seeps into his tone.

Jack sighs and says instead. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You didn’t.” Mac says quickly. “I’m glad I’m up though. I... you don’t have to leave Jack.”

Jack gives him a sullen look. “This is why I was trying to go before... so we didn’t have to do this.”

“Do what?”

“The whole awkward goodbyes thing. Mac, you don’t owe me anything else. I appreciate you helping me out last night but-“

“One night safe indoors is hardly enough to cover you saving my life. I want to do more. I can help you Jack, let me please.”

Jack stands to his full height and his brown eyes are full of fire and pain, pulling his pack over his shoulder. “Mac don’t do this. You don’t really want to do this and I really don’t want to be a charity case. Just let me go.”

He goes to turn toward the door and Mac is overcome with the desperation he felt all those times he was following leads to find Jack. He feels like he’s about to lose him all over again and he cant bear to see him go again.

Mac reaches out and grabs Jack’s elbow, and when Jack faces him, Mac’s half formed hopeful plan falls out of his mouth in a rush. “Wait just listen to me for a second! I do want to help you, and this isn’t just a false promise, this is real. What if I could get you a job, and a chance to get your life together?”

Jack frowns at him, eyes skeptical. “What?”

“At the university, they’re always looking-“

“Were you not listening last night? I told you, man, my brain is scrambled eggs. And wandering minds make bad employees, Mac. I’d be out on my ass in a week. Not to mention I can’t stay here...”

“Who says you can’t stay here?” Mac demands and Jack pulls his elbow from Mac’s grasp with a sigh.

“Me.” Jack takes a step back toward the door, eyes down, his voice cracks. “I don’t want to be your charity case.”

Mac follows him to the door and tries to get him to see reason. “It’s not charity. It’s the right thing to do. I’m not giving you a hand out, I’m giving you a boost back to your feet. Nobody’s gonna make you take it, Jack. But I want you to.”

Jack doesn’t look up at him but Mac can see the way he’s standing with such rigidity, he’s like a suspension cable about to snap. The hand at his side is balled into a fist, vibrating as he fights to remain calm. Mac steps forward and cautiously reaches down to encircle Jack’s wrist with his hand, not restraining, just letting the older man feel that he’s not alone.

“Jack you were my Overwatch and I told you then, you watch my back, I watch yours... I want you to stay and let me look out for you. You don’t have to do this alone.”

Jack’s eyes slowly meet Mac’s, red-rimmed and wet with emotion, and he lets out a shuddering breath. “Do you... are you sure?”

Mac’s heart nearly explodes in relief. “Yes.”

Jack hides his eyes again and the sound of a sob breaks in his throat. “Is this for real?” 

Mac yanks Jack forward, his frail and skinny frame fits almost perfectly into his arms and squeezes him in a tight hug. “Yes. You’re home... if you want to be.”

Jack can’t keep the tears back after that and Mac tugs them over to the couch, just keeps his arms around Jack’s shoulders and holds him while he’s caught up in the torrent of his emotions. He’s got Jack here now, and selfish or not, he’ll hold him as long as Jack will allow.


	2. Chapter 2

Following Jack’s near escape that morning, after breakfast, they discuss a plan of action. It’s a short bulletin list of steps, but they’re important.

Step 1. Get a job.  
Step 2. Stay healthy and eat.  
Step 3. Focus on today, tomorrow can wait.

Jack is worried about the game plan but after much convincing, he agrees to try.

It’s unfortunately not the last time Mac needs to reassure Jack he’s serious about helping him, but he understands why Jack keeps asking.

Mac is firm and instant to reiterate his promise every time though.

Like right now, with Jack sitting in front of the bathroom mirror while Mac prepares his hair clipper kit with a guard comb. The first thing, Mac had told Jack when they discussed the plan, was that in order to go to an interview, Jack would need to look presentable. Mac could put the good word in for him, which was likely going to be enough sway already, but Jack still needed to look the part.

“I hate you goin’ through all this trouble for me...” Jack says quietly, watching Mac fuss with the clippers, and Mac shakes his head.

“No trouble at all. It’s just a haircut, dude, but don’t distract me because I only know how to do the one style.”

Jack laughs under his breath and watches Mac through the mirror. “So long as you don’t scalp me, I’m good with it.”

Mac ends up using scissors to chop about four inches of messy hair away to ease the way for the clippers. He sets the clippers on and runs it over Jack’s head, watching how one pass at a time brings the Jack he remembers a tiny bit closer to the surface. Cautiously, he works around his ears and his neck, tipping Jack’s head forward, back and side to side while he works, until he’s satisfied that it’s as clean as his novice skill can get it.

When finished, Mac pats Jack’s shoulder and gives him a grin. “How’s that?”

Jack stares at his reflection for a long moment and then passes a hand over the buzzed-length, sighing appreciatively. “It’s good. But I think the beard could use some landscaping too. May I?” 

Mac passes the clippers to him and watches as Jack buzzes the length of dark salt pepper beard down to a sandpapery five o’clock shadow. When he turns back to Mac, and gives him a loose real smile, he says, “how about that? There was a man under all that hair.”

Mac chuckles in response even though his chest aches fiercely in happiness. “There certainly was. And now to pick out some interview clothes. Come with me?”

Jack follows along carefully and stands awkwardly at Mac’s bedroom door like he can’t possibly be allowed inside. Mac waves him in as he returns with a handful of outfits from his closet.

He holds up a few but ends up picking a button up gray long sleeve and dark slacks, holding them out to Jack. “These will probably fit you best.”

Jack holds them cautiously before slipping the dress shirt on over the simple t-shirt he’s wearing. Mac comes closer to appraise it, noting it’s a bit loose at the shoulder but it’s the best size he’s got and it’ll have to do for now. The pants are also loose on Jack’s frailer form but a belt will handle that.

Mac steps back, looking Jack over, and he’s asks, “how’s that feel?”

Jack sighs, looking at the dresser mirror with a frown. “Like I’m a monkey in a suit. Mac, I know you want-“

“I know, this feels weird to you right now, but it’s going to work for you, I promise.” Mac says certainly, looking to head off Jack’s seemingly constant need to give Mac an excuse to cut him loose. “It’s going to go just fine. And you don’t have to worry about how many hours you get, or what your pay is or whatever. We’re just looking at step one, right?”

Jack continues to frown at the mirror but he nods. “Step one. Get a job. I just don’t want to let you down, man.”

Mac claps him on the shoulder. “You won’t.”

Jack comes to the university with Mac on Saturday morning for his interview, and Mac does his best not to play the role of hovering parent while he waits outside. It’s not a long interview, and eventually Jack’s walking out to meet him with a wide blank stare.

He’s nearly tempted to shake him, Jack looks so lost for a moment but then Jack whispers, “I got it. Janitor staff and it’s part time but... I got it.”

Mac takes Jack for Chinese after he collects some papers from his office and they celebrate. Step one completed, step two in progress, step three, Mac fears will be much harder to come by.

-

Having a roommate is an adjustment, but it’s a good thing overall. Outside of staff functions and his students, Mac hasn’t had a lot of human interaction and seeing Jack every evening has been a welcome addition to his routine. 

Jack usually has to go into work about 2 hours before Mac does, but Mac makes an excuse to come with him, heading for his office to ‘prepare’ for his classes. There really isn’t much to prepare so often he settles into read or pulls up his laptop for working on his theory paper he means to submit someday. Jack’s shift usually ends about the time Mac takes a lunch and they walk down to the deli around the corner before Jack heads back to the apartment.

The first time, Jack had actually expected to have to wander around until Mac was done for the day, hadn’t thought that Mac would want him unsupervised in the flat. Mac had stared at Jack in horror before quickly handing him the key.

“You’ve been working hard, go home and relax.” Mac had said seriously, “we’ll go for dinner when I get off.”

Jack had turned red and then mumbled a quiet, “if you’re sure...”

“Absolutely.” Mac had promised him back. And every night since, they’d had dinner together.

It’s a nice thing to have someone waiting at home for him, Mac thinks. He mentally chastises himself for feeling that, because he’s supposed to be helping Jack, not making this into some sort of perk for himself, but he’s been alone for a long time. And it’s not the same as having a romantic partner to come home to, but there’s just something about having the sounds of another person close by that fill up the silence in his head.

They settle into this little neat routine almost without any effort, like they were always made to be in each other’s lives, orbiting each other’s space. Jack’s morning shower routine becomes Mac’s alarm clock in the mornings, and Jack is the last voice he hears before bed, eating meals together in between. For someone who’s lived alone for the last few years, it’s oddly soothing and not invasive at all.

Then about the third week of Jack’s stay the routine changes a bit.

Mac wakes in the middle of the night to a shrill scream from the living room and when he runs to see what’s happened, he finds Jack on the floor beside the couch, tangled up in his blanket and his face buried in his hands. He’s crying nearly silently, but the way his shoulders shake is unmistakable.

“Jack.” Mac whispers quietly, kneeling down beside him in an attempt to not startle him. 

Jack moans a low despondent sound and frantically whispers back, “I’m so sorry. So sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scream... I’m sorry...”

Mac carefully rests a hand on Jack’s knee, just to let him know where he is and he rubs his hand up and down Jack’s calf. “Hey it’s okay, it’s alright. Just slow down and breathe with me...”

But Jack is still trying to apologize and his chant of “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry...” clearly leaves no room for him to hear Mac’s assurances around his despair. Mac cannot stand to hear him so upset, so on the chance of pushing past boundaries he shouldn’t cross, he grabs Jack’s hands into his, pulling them back from the man’s face so that he has no choice but to see Mac.

“Jack, hey listen to me... it’s alright. You’re safe. I’ve got you, okay?”

Jack grits his teeth together, biting down the sobs as he whimpers a soft uncertain plea, “Mac...” 

Mac keeps hold of his Overwatch’s shaking hands, still wet from tears, and tugs at him to stand. “C’mon, come with me.”

Jack does after a moment and Mac guides them to the bathroom, flipping on the light and sitting Jack on the tub edge while he gets a cold rag from the sink. He passes it to Jack without a word, letting the man wipe his face clean in privacy while he goes to get him so water. When he returns, they sit in silence while Jack calms down, drinking the water and leaning into the wet rag like it’s a piece of heaven on earth. 

After a few minutes, Jack turns a sad smile up to Mac. “Well that was embarrassing.”

Mac frowns at the self-depreciative tone. “Jack, it’s not embarrassing. I have nightmares too.”

Jack scoffs under his breath, giving a quick shake. “Don’t do that. I don’t need you to pretend like being broken is normal. I’m just sorry you had to see that.”

Mac bumps Jack’s knee with his own to get his attention. “I’m pretending nothing, Jack. I dream about the Sandbox still, once or twice a week at least, among other things... and I wasn’t over there half as long as you were. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

Jack studies him, uncertain. “How... how did you get around it?”

Mac sighs, sweeping a hand through his hair. He doesn’t usually like to talk about this part of himself but Jack clearly needs to hear it from someone else, to hear it normalized the way he did when he first went to the VA for therapy. “I never got around it. I just learned how to accept myself and the problems that came with me better. I went to therapy, both private and group. I got to talk about it with other guys from the service, they’d been through it too, they understood. It helped make it seem... manageable, I guess? The memories are still there but I can face them now.”

Jack stares at him, more than a little skeptical. “You got better... just talkin’ about it?”

Mac laughs ruefully. “Absolutely not. But it gave me perspective. Helped me feel less alone with it. Maybe it could help you too.”

Jack sighs, wiping his face with the rag again. “Maybe.”

Mac doesn’t press the issue further, figures it’s best to let it be for now. “Well... we have to be up in an hour, if you want we can go get breakfast at the diner? Or we can watch some TV and try to relax.”

“TV sounds good.” Jack says quietly and that’s where they end up for the next hour, side by side on the couch with comedy specials on in the background.

-

Life goes on in that way for months to come. Mac and Jack work together, eat together, relax together, rinse and repeat. Occasionally they’re up late commiserating bad memories but overall, it’s awesome, as far as Mac is concerned.

Jack might be the world’s best roommate, unobtrusive and tidy. And he’s even a good cook, Mac comes to find out.

Mac comes in one evening after work, debating what they might have for dinner tonight, and it’s to the smell of something warm and savory in the air. Jack gives him a toothy grin as he pulls something wrapped in tin foil from the oven.

“Right on time.” Jack says warmly. Setting his things down by the entry, Mac comes to inspect Jack’s creation.

“You can cook?” Mac asks and Jack shrugs with a laugh.

“Guess we’ll find out.”

Under the foil is a hamburger patty, potatoes and carrots, seasoned well and smelling like a campfire. It makes Mac’s stomach growl. Jack spears himself a carrot, picking it off with his fingers to taste it, hissing as it burns his mouth.

“Well it didn’t kill me.” Jack chuckles, spearing another bit on the fork and offering it to Mac. “Here, what do you think?”

Mac balks at the intimacy of being fed by his roommate, but Jack’s smile is proud and hopeful, and Mac knows he’ll chew this food and swallow (no matter what it tastes like) with a smile if it’ll keep the light in his friend’s eyes bright. He takes the proffered food and manages to bite back an inappropriate moan, but his smile is answer enough.

“Not bad?” Jack asks, smirk knowingly pleased, and Mac slaps his arm.

“Dude, not bad? This is so good, I want to eat this forever. What do you call it?”

“Hobo pie.” Jack answers as he gets out the plates. “Or campfire pie. But this something we made a lot on the streets. This isn’t all I can make but... this is one recipe I’m pretty good at. I can’t pay you rent yet, but I figured I could at least make my self useful.”

Mac grabs a plate and joins Jack at the counter top, grabbing a beer for both of them. “Well I appreciate it but you know I don’t expect anything like that from you, right?”

Jack shrugs, noncommittal. “Yeah I know but...”

“But?” Mac presses when Jack doesn’t seem able to go on. The older man runs a hand through his dark hair, silvered at the temples in the best way.

“But you’ve done so much for me. You got me this job, you’re giving me a starting place for getting my shit together. You bought me my uniform, a phone, clothes and I... I just want to give you something back is all.”

Mac nods, decides he shouldn’t tell Jack for the hundredth time he expects nothing in turn. Instead he laughs lightly and takes another bite, “well if this is payment, sign me up. You’re welcome to cook for me anytime.”

Jack grins at him, the unease gone almost instantly. “Can do. I’m sure I can rustle up some stew tomorrow. There’s plenty of ‘possum meat left over.”

Mac can’t help freezing mid chew and Jack gives him a wink. 

“M’kiddin’, okay?”

The way Jack’s smooth laughter rumbles out of his chest at Mac’s nervous smile is beautiful and everything Mac has ever wanted.

And that’s the moment he realizes he’s truly screwed.

He’s falling for Jack.

-

Mac is almost grateful that the following week is the week after finals. It’s a nightmare processing and grading several hundred papers, and he ends up staying late every night that week. But on the bright side, it gives him an excuse to stay away from Jack while he tries to sort out his brain and his loves truck heart.

It’s not that he’s worried about it exactly, he’s always known his sexual preference leaned toward the masculine sex, but it comes at a poor time. He can’t tell Jack how he feels, especially not right now. Jack’s finally starting to get settled, finding himself a sense of normal. If Mac mentions that he’s getting feelings for Jack, the older man will either be upset that Mac had ulterior motives inviting him to live with him, or worse, feel compelled to say he reciprocates for fear of getting thrown out on the streets again. 

Mac sighs as he finishes one exam and grabs the next, glancing at the clock. It’s late, he should wrap it up and head home, he wants to certainly. He wants to sit and watch TV with Jack, wants to hear about his day. He really wants to be home in case Jack has another nightmare and needs his company. 

It’s ridiculous, Mac tells himself, how protective he is about Jack. Jack’s a grown man, he doesn’t need to be coddled and watched over, but Mac just can’t help the draw of sharing Jack’s space and time. He loves to listen to Jack talk, even if it’s just about his day cleaning in the university or him recounting some of his time traveling. Jack has seen some amazing things, even if he was alone for it. He loves the way Jack’s eyes glow when he talks about the sunsets over open prairies or the blizzards he watched roll over mountains. Mac is in fact daydreaming about this when a knock startles him, the only visitor he could have wanted in the doorway.

“Burning the midnight oil, man?” Jack asks, carrying a plastic bag in one hand and cup in the other. Mac sits back and stretches his neck, grunting when it pops a little.

“Yeah, I guess so.” Mac sighs, “I got a little lost in it.”

Jack grins. “Figured as much when you didn’t respond to my texts. Here, if you’re goin’ to keep at it, you might as well refuel.”

Mac opens the bag Jack offers him and finds a perfectly wrapped homemade cheeseburger inside, his mouth watering when the smell hits his nose. “Oh you didn’t have to do that, it’s only...” Mac glances at his phone, which does indeed have two missed calls and three texts from Jack, and it reports the time to be just after 9:30p. He’s lost an hour since the last time he looked at the clock.

“I know you said you might lose track of the time, but I figured you’d forget to eat too. So, dig in.” Jack says gently, “and when you’re ready I’ll walk you home.”

Mac takes a bite of the perfectly warm burger, and says with a mouthful, “you don’t have to stay.”

Jack shrugs, “it’s all good. The house is too quiet without you anyway.”

Mac gives him a grateful smile. “Well, the company would be nice. So how was your day?”

Jack launches into explaining an exploded science experiment he ended up having to clean out on the Chemistry department floor and Mac listens while he eats and grades. Mac wishes things were different, that when Jack is done with his story he could hold his hand instead of clap him on the shoulder as they laugh, but sadly it’s not to be. At least not now. But Jack is still happy to share his company, and that will be enough for now.


	3. Chapter 3

Following the end of semester exams, the Christmas holiday almost quite literally sneaks up on them.

Mac’s never been one for holidays really, especially not living on his own. He’ll usually receive a bottle of fancy alcohol from another professor or a gift card or two from a student who wanted to say their thanks for one thing or another. But this year, he actually has someone to share Christmas with and it leaves him and his overly-fond heart wondering what is an appropriate gift for Jack.

Obviously, he can’t get Jack anything too extravagant, that will only serve to make Jack feel uncomfortable about Mac’s request to keep storing his paychecks, building up a savings. But he’s grateful to have Jack here, to have him and his friendship in his life again, and he wants to give him a little something. It’s nearly Christmas Eve before he finally comes up with a solution.

Jack had offered to make them dinner, which Mac will never turn down now that he knows how good Jack can cook. It ends up being what Jack calls the Texas special, country fried chicken with gravy, greens, mashed potatoes and a massive apple pie that Jack swears is store bought but the fragrance is too good for that to be true. 

Once dinner’s over and they’re both forcing themselves to find room for pie, Mac leans back in his chair with a groan.

“Dude, that’s the best thing I’ve ever eaten. My stomach’s gonna explode.”

Jack raises a bite of apple in toast, “nothing says Christmas like eating too much, am I right?”

“Hell yeah.” Mac laughs and stretches with a content sigh. It’s one of Jack’s phrases, one of the ones he finds himself saying more often even if only to have Jack’s words to hold close.

Jack takes their empty plates to the sink and starts the tap for dish water but Mac heads him off, pulling him from the sink by his elbow.

“Hey no way, the cook doesn’t do the dishes! Especially not after a meal that big. Come sit and watch The Grinch with me.” 

Jack glances back at the sink full of dishes with an unhappy look. He’s still very much of the mindset that he needs to earn his place here and he doesn’t like to leave messes of any sort, no trace he was ever in a room he’s not currently occupying. With a dramatic sigh, he asks, “original or Jim Carrey?”

“Original of course.”

“Well... it is a requirement I suppose.” Jack relents and they settle in to listen to the familiar tune of ‘You’re a Mean One’. The Grinch has just met Cindy Lou Who when Mac decides he’s waited long enough to not look over eager.

“Hey Jack.”

“Yeah?”

“I uh... I wanted to give you a little something.”

At Jack’s soft frown, Mac hurries to explain. “It’s nothing crazy, so don’t look like that. Really, it’s not. I know I’ve given you stuff before but those were necessities and this is for spare time. Well, to be fair it’s kinda selfishly a gift for myself too, but obviously if you’re not interested I can take it back or-“

Jack just rolls his eyes at him with a fond smile. “You’re rambling dude and it’s making me nervous. Just show me, okay?”

Mac pulls the card from his pocket and offers it to Jack, who plucks it from his hand with tender caution.

Jack doesn’t react at first before he gives Mac a curious look and Mac is quick to explain. “It’s a gym membership to the place by the University. I know this is kinda a weird thing to give but you’ve been getting stronger and I just thought maybe you’d like to start working out when you have downtime, just something to get out of the house. And I need to hit the gym again myself, and going with someone is more fun than going alone but if you don’t-“

“Mac.”

Mac stops talking, catching the words mid ramble. “Yeah?”

Jack looks up from the little membership card with a watery smile and leans in to give Mac a hug. “This is really great. I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this actually and it’s just... thank you. Really.”

They don’t say anything else after that, both of them absorbed into the movie’s finale. Somewhere between the pleasantness of being completely full and the lull of music, they both fall asleep. Mac wakes up to his head being pillowed on Jack’s shoulder and a blanket tossed over their legs, Jack snoring softly beside him with his head tipped back against the back of the couch.

Mac feels his heart beat extra hard as the low blue glow of the tv casts gentle light across his friend’s features. Jack looks so peaceful, his breathing deep and even. He should get up and head to his own bed but having this little moment of shared peace isn’t something he’s in a hurry to walk away from. It’s warm and comfortable here next to Jack, so close they could be a couple lying in each other’s arms his traitorous brain whispers.

But they aren’t a couple. And he doesn’t have a right to take advantage of Jack’s nearness even if it’s just harmless wishing. Regretfully, he carefully disengages from Jack and guides him till he’s laying down flat. 

“Thanks, Mac.” Jack sighs as Mac pulls the blanket over him and he smooths it down around his shoulders. Mac smiles and pats his shoulder before he heads for bed. 

Its easily be one of the best Christmas holidays he’s had in a years.

-  
-  
-

When spring classes resume, they add going to the gym to part of their routine. Sometimes Jack goes without Mac, either when he finishes his shift or early on Sunday morning when Mac tends to sleep in and catch up on his rest. Mac notices a difference in Jack almost immediately.

He’s happier and looks more at ease. He smiles more, looks less timid and a lot more confident. It’s like watching a river wash away a sandy bank, unearthing the old stone foundations that was always there. He knew Jack as he used to know him was in the shell of the man he’d found on the street that night and to see him rising back to himself was more than a little encouraging.

Mac’s grateful that Jack is doing so well but of course, nothing can remain perfect.

It happens when Mac comes home one night from the university to find the flat dark and quiet, the only sign of Jack is his cellphone sitting on the entry counter. He checks the spot by the couch where Jack’s traveling duffle sits quietly, so Mac’s relieved to know he’s still here.

“Jack?” Mac calls out and a muffled answer floats from the bathroom to him. Jack appears a minute later while Mac rummages in the fridge for left overs and as soon as he looks up he sees that Jack has a purpling crescent bruise on his left cheek. That definitely wasn’t there this morning.

“What the fuck?” Mac splutters, immediately shutting the fridge so that he can get closer to Jack to see the bruise only for Jack to push his hand away gently.

“It’s fine. It’s nothing, really.”

Mac isn’t letting that fly though. “That’s not nothing. Looks like someone gave you a right hook. What happened?”

“I uh... may have run into an old acquaintance.”

Mac waits for him to say more and Jack sighs. “A box car buddy.”

“Oh.” Mac says, eyeing the bruise with a frown, “guess acquaintance is a loose term?” 

Jack shakes his head, heading around Mac to get a beer from the fridge and passing one to Mac. “Well we used to get along pretty good. Guess he’s the jealous sort. It’s fine though. Was in front of the gym, some folks came to my rescue. Nobody got hurt, no one went to jail. Want to watch some Office and order a pizza?”

Mac doesn’t know what to make of Jack’s blasé attitude about it and he definitely feels like there’s more Jack’s not saying but he’s not going to nag him for details. Ultimately, it’s not his business.

But it becomes his business that night when Jack wakes up with a strangled cry. Mac is quick to go check on him and Jack shoos him away, even while wiping away tears. The nightmares haven’t been very frequent for his friend, maybe once a week or every other if they’re lucky. He gives Jack his space and doesn’t mention it.

But then it happens the next night. And then the next. And again. 

On the fourth night, Mac starts a pot of coffee while he gets Jack a bottle of water, because they’re about an hour outside of needing to wake up and Mac knows they’re going to need the caffeine after the last few rough nights in this apartment.

Jack is quietly sobbing still when he gets back to the bathroom and Mac sits beside him, setting the bottle by his feet when Jack makes no move to take it from him. He runs slow easy circles of his hand over Jack’s shoulder, just being a silent presence while he struggles to gain his breath. When Jack finally manages to calm enough to take the water, Mac pats his shoulder encouragingly.

“There you go, much better.”

Jack drinks the water in fast gulps, like he can wash back the fear if he half drowns himself. 

When he sets it aside, Mac quietly asks, “can we talk about it this time?”

Jack’s reddened eyes flash to his in despair and surrender. “I... I can be gone by tonight.”

Mac jerks back, his previously tired brain suddenly wide awake at the implication of Jack’s words. Jack thought Mac was going to kick him out because of the nightmares. Because he thought he was being a nuisance to Mac. Mac can’t help that he’s a little hurt.

“Jack, why the hell would you say that? In the seven months you’ve been my roommate, have I ever given you the impression that I don’t want you here?”

Jack’s eyes fall the the floor and his shoulders sag with exhaustion. “No.”

Mac just pats his shoulder, the hurt pulling back a little when he realizes that it’s just Jack’s fear talking. He takes Jack by the elbow and guides him. “C’mon, let’s go big guy.”

They end up sitting in the living room, nursing their coffees in respective silence, when Jack eventually speaks up.

“I’m sorry about all this.”

Mac nods, “it’s been pretty rough for both of us. This is the most it’s happened since that first month.”

Jack frowns. “I know.”

Taking a drink of coffee, Mac sighs, “but I don’t want you to be sorry. I want to help you. I just- I can’t do that if you don’t tell me what’s going on.”

Jack stays quiet and Mac wonders if he’s not going to say anything, but eventually he says, “you remember the other day? My old acquaintance? You were right when you said it didn’t look like nothin’. I just... I didn’t know how to handle it.”

Mac waits, and when Jack seems to debate being able to go on, he says quietly, “you can tell me anything, Jack.”

Jack frowns setting aside his drink. “I... I want to tell you but I don’t want you to think I’m looking for your sympathy. And I don’t want you to think I’m not grateful...”

“I won’t. I just want to help. Tell me what’s on your mind.”

After a deep breath, Jack continues, “ the guy’s name is Eddie. We did a lot of riding together. When you’re on the streets, you’re on your own. You watch your own back but if you can find someone to travel with, it’s better. Less trouble with gang bangers or strangers if you’re paired up. Less likely to be robbed. Finding food is easier with two sets of eyes, shit like that. It’s not like an honor among thieves things or whatever, nobody’s gonna exile you if you leave and then come back. Eddie split off and did his own thing a couple months back. Anyway... he saw me at the gym. He was surprised to see me. I told him I was staying with a friend and... then he started in with the trash talk. Started talkin’ about how he’d heard from some of the other street folks that I’d become something of a rent boy for some big shot professor. Because why else would you do it, right? Take in a stray like me. He said I was too good for people like him. I tried to tell him it wasn’t like that but he punched me and that’s when some guys from the gym ran over to help. I begged them not to call the cops. Eddie left but not before sayin’ that it didn’t matter how good I thought I was, because crazy dudes like me always fuck up and end up in the gutter again.”

Jack’s eyes stare off into the middle distance and Mac feels his chest go tight in sympathy. “Jack I’m sorry he said that, but he’s wrong. You know that right?”

On a strained sigh, Jack asks, “is he though?”

“What do you mean?”

Jack stands up and begins to pace, hands wringing in helpless frustration. “Mac... what do you want me to do?”

“Do?”

Jack doesn’t look at him, still pacing like a tiger in a cage, “Mac you said we only had to focus on the three steps but that can’t go on forever. I get why you want me to save my money but we can’t live like that long term. What‘s the time limit? Like a year and I should be paying rent and utilities? Two and I should have my own place? You shouldn’t have to pick up my slack, dude, especially not after all you’ve done for me. And that’s not to mention that I’m goin’ all crazy-mode again. You said it’s okay, but it’s not okay. What if I start spacing out at work? What if I yell at someone because they remind me of a hostile? What if I hurt you? Mac I shouldn’t be here with you and I keep dreamin’ that I’m gonna kill you by accident. Or that I’ll drag you down into the gutter with me. I keep dreamin’ that we never left the Sandbox and that I left you to die because I didn’t want to stay. I’m such a screw up Mac and-“

Mac is quick to jump up and catch Jack’s hands, forcing Jack to look at him in stricken sadness. “Jack stop and take a breath. In on five out on ten.”

Jack closes his eyes and breathes with Mac, clinging to his hands like it’s the last anchor to reality. When he finally manages to open his eyes, they give each other a tenuous smile.

“Jack, listen to me. You’re not a screw up. You’re not going to hurt me and you didn’t leave me behind to die. We’re here, you’re safe here.”

“But for how long Mac?” Jack whispers, struggling to reign in his emotions.

“What was step three?” Mac asks and Jack frowns.

“Focus on today, tomorrow can wait.”

“Right. How long is a tomorrow question.”

“But-“

“But if you want me to line out a vague plan I can tell you what I was thinking.” Mac offers and when Jack nods, he guides them to sit. “I know it bothers you not ‘contributing’ to the bills but believe me when I say there’s no rush. I was thinking perhaps we could have you start paying a partial rent, not right now, maybe in about another six months. We’ll see, I want you to focus on saving still and staying healthy. There’s nothing else I expect from you other than continuing to keep going, one day at a time.”

Jack nods, seemingly soothed having this outline to reaffirm the plan. Mac takes a breath and adds

“But I am concerned about your dreams Jack. I’m not frustrated about you having them, I’m just worried about you. You said you’re worried about lashing out and hurting me. If these dreams make you feel that out of control, I want you to reconsider what I said before. About the therapy group. Would you go with me to one? I really do think it would help.”

Jack studies Mac’s face, eyes tired and sad, and he gives a slow nod. “I’ll try for you Mac.”

Mac squeezes Jack’s arm, “that’s all I can ask.”

\- 

They go the following Tuesday when Mac’s gets off work. The meeting is called to order the usual way, and the man who’s leading the group, smiles at Jack and Mac as they take their seats. Mac smiles back, Jack looks like he wants to sink through the floor.

“Welcome everyone, new and old. We’re glad you decided to come. Hopefully everyone had a decent holiday. Anyone feel like starting us off today?”

The group is quiet, which is normal since no one likes to go first, and Mac sighs, raising his hand.

“I’ll start. I’m Mac. Retired EOD specialist seven years.”

There’s a soft whisper that goes across the group, as usual, a mutual respect and understanding. 

“I’ve been having a hard time, lately, especially with all the troops coverage on the news. It’s been on my mind, what‘s still going on over there. I teach at the university and we did a lab exercise the other day, some basic physics meets chemistry. One of the students accidental set their station on fire and singed another girl’s hair. The sound of the fire and the smell... of burnt hair. I felt like I was right back in the Sandbox, listening to the screaming... I was late to the next class cause I had to go out to the lounge for a bit before I had a grip on my head. I feel like it shouldn’t be getting to me so much anymore. But just, sometimes I feel like this stuff is all behind me and other days...”

“Other days you’re still there.” One of the women in the group says quietly. “Called my dad yesterday because I was spiraling. He’s retired marine, forty seven years. He said the same thing.”

Jack stares at Mac with wide eyes even as the group continues on, obviously surprised. Mac bumps his knee with his own and gives him a half-hearted smile. With a nod, Jack refocuses on the group but he looks less afraid to be there, more ready to hear whatever comes next. The group takes turns, going around the circle of twenty-four men and women and when they make it to Jack, he looks uncertain. Mac gives him a smile and Jack clears his throat.

“I’m Jack. Retired Delta Sargent. I don’t... this is the first time I’ve ever done this. I haven’t really been... alright in awhile. I’m... sorry I don’t know what to say...”

“We’ve all been there brother.” The older man leading them says with a proud grin. “You did good, though. Thank you, Jack.”

A quiet round of thanks comes to them from the crowd and Jack gives Mac a shaky smile. The meeting continues on and it doesn’t escape Mac’s notice that Jack holds his head up a little higher through the rest of the night.  
-

The VA group gets added to the routine. They do their norm work-home-dinner thing but every other Tuesday they go to the meeting and they get ice cream on their way home. Jack takes to it like a fish to water, participatory more and more each visit. The bad nights and dreams still happen because of course they do but Jack’s more open to discussing what he’s seen or what he’s feeling rather than keeping it tucked away to eat at him internally.

Overall though, Jack’s making progress, Mac can see it. He walks with his eyes up, less tempted to give in to the need to hide. He smiles more and it makes Mac’s heart beatlose rhythm when it starts looking a little more real every time, less likely he’s smiling because that’s what he thinks he should do. And the going to the gym has helped return him to his previous form, all broad muscled shoulders and strong arms. 

He looks almost exactly as Mac remembers him from before. It’s not a perfect copy because Jack’s eyes are still tired at the edges, a little shadowed with caution, but he looks more and more like he should and Mac’s all too happy to see that.

Jack starts to hang out with a few of the guys from the therapy group. Mac gets invited to come with them, sometimes he goes, sometimes he doesn’t, but he’s glad Jack feels confident enough to make friends on his own terms, which is good, it’s not like Mac’s got a monopoly on his time. However, he hadn’t expected Jack making new friends would turn into a career opportunity for him.

At first it’s just a maybe. Jack tells him one night from hanging out with the older vet guys at the gym that one of the guys suggested applying at a private security firm. Mac asks him if he will and Jack’s answer is that he’ll consider it. Maybe.

But a few weeks later, he asks Mac after they eat dinner, how he would feel if he applied for the job. Mac can see that Jack is hesitant, like he doesn’t know how Mac will react to him considering leaving the job he got for Jack. It’s a good opportunity, Mac concedes, and certainly better pay than janitor work. He says he think Jack would do good in that kind of work but that he should be careful, worried the stress of the job might bring his PTSD to a worse state.

Jack eventually joins an evening class for the security company, just for a few weeks. He says he’ll hopefully know better if he should take the job by what’s in the course. Mac insists on paying for the course by Jack turns him down with a certain grin.

“I’ve got this, Mac. Trust me.” 

So Mac does.

Jack is a diligent student, and makes flash cards of his work, even sometimes having Mac quiz him in protocol numbers from their hand guide. He goes for his test on a Saturday morning, gone for a large portion of the day. 

Mac is ashamed to admit he sits at home, anxiously picking at his nails, waiting for Jack to get back. It’s a little silly he admits, Jack is not a fragile flower who will collapse into despair if he doesn’t pass, but he wants him to do well, and he knows Jack’s put a lot of effort into this.

Around the late afternoon, he orders a pizza from Jack’s favorite place around the corner, and settles in to wait. Mac’s just got himself a slice on a napkin when Jack walks in. 

Jack leans heavy against the door, eyes closed and cheeks flushed like maybe he ran part of the way here. Or like he’s upset, and he’s trying to keep himself composed. 

Mac abandons the pizza and asks, “Jack?”

Jack’s warm brown eyes open, full of brightness and joy, and he smiles widely at Mac. “I got it.”

They both start laugh-yelling at each other, jumping up and down like a pair of children. Mac can’t contain himself and he launches at Jack, wrapping his arms around his neck as Jack continues to laugh.

Mac pulls back, just enough to take in Jack’s wide smile and all those perfect laugh lines feathering out in the best way. Jack’s so happy and Mac’s so happy for him he can’t stop himself.

He leans in and kisses Jack against his still smiling lips.


	4. Chapter 4

The laughter dies underneath the kiss and Mac realizes his mistake. 

Mac wrenches himself backward, hand covering his lips like they alone committed this crime. Jack stares at him, eyes wide and completely stunned.

“Oh my god...” Mac whispers, horrified at himself. Jack just continues to stare, unmoving.

“Jack, I’m... oh god, I’m so sorry. I- that was so completely inappropriate and I-I didn’t mean to. Oh my god.”

“Mac?” Jack asks quietly, and oh his eyes look so lost and worried. Mac wants throw himself off the roof. Jack was happy, right up until Mac’s stupid self took away all his friend’s joy by being a selfish love sick fool.

Mac backs up a couple steps, crossing his arms and putting his eyes on the floor. “I’m very sorry for what I just did.”

“Why did you do it?” Jack manages to ask softly. “W-was that an accident or did-did you want to do that?”

Mac sighs, figures he better come clean right now before he goes and ruins their friendship worse than he already has. “I wanted to. But I know that I shouldn’t have.”

“But why?” Jack says again, like if he says it enough that’ll somehow erase this nightmare. Mac feels like his heart is going to crack in half.

“Because you’re so beautiful when you’re happy. I couldn’t help myself. I got carried away.”

“But you’re a- we’re both...” Jack splutters and Mac has to bite his tongue to keep himself from crying, the ugly sting of old rejections and past shame surging up in his heart. “How long-?”

Mac breathes deep through his nose and forces himself to meet Jack’s eyes. “How long have I been into men or how long since I’ve felt this way about you?”

Jack just waits, his question obvious. 

“I realized it around Christmas.”

The silence hangs heavy and cold over them so Mac tries again to apologize, to explain himself.

“Jack... I’m really sorry for what I did, and I understand that you don’t... feel the same way. I hope you’ll accept my apology and know that this doesn’t change anything about the terms of you staying here. I still want you to stay here, keep saving money. I won’t... I won’t do anything that stupid again. Please... please accept my apology.”

Jack clears his throat and says quietly. “Okay.” He doesn’t sound okay, but Mac figures that’s probably the best he can hope for given the circumstances.

“Okay.” Mac agrees and they stand in awkward silence for a moment before Mac takes the coward’s way out. “Well, I uh, need to go pick some papers up from the university so I was on my way out anyway. There’s pizza if you... So... I’ll see you later?”

Jack nods and Mac makes his escape. He doesn’t go to the university, just walks aimlessly around and letting his embarrassed tears fall. He doesn’t dare go home until well after Jack usually falls asleep. He climbs into his own bed and prays that he doesn’t lose his friend again.

-

Over the next couple days, Jack leaves for work before Mac does and it sends a clear message to Mac that he wants some space. Mac understands, even if it hurts. He makes it a point to stay late after classes, working mindlessly on projects and course work. When he comes home, Jack is usually ‘asleep’ on the couch, rolled over and facing the back of the sofa. Mac notices that he’s not breathing deep enough to be sleeping but he doesn’t disturb him, just quietly slips through his nightly routine and goes to bed.

The week following Jack starts his new schedule with the security company. Jack texts him one early morning that he’ll be on nights for a while Wednesday through Sunday. Seven at night till three in the morning. He wonders if Jack asked for that schedule so that he can have a valid excuse to avoid Mac. unsuccessfully, Mac tries to ignore the pain for how impersonally written the text is. No ‘buddy’ or ‘Mac’ or ‘see you later’. Just facts. Mac texts him back an “Okay, be safe.”

He gets back a thumbs up emoji and, for some reason, it hurts more.

Mac doesn’t keep to his previous routine, the familiarity of it no longer comforting. He just feels like he’s missing big sections of his life. It feels weirdly like a break up, and it’s infuriating because it’s irrational thoughts like that that caused this mess in the first place. 

He leaves early, because he can’t ignore his body’s internal alarm clock that he’s been waking up to with Jack every morning. He goes to the diner around the block, sips coffee and pretends to read the paper till he can go to work. He skips lunch because the deli sandwiches don’t taste as good as he remembers. When he comes home, Jack’s showering and getting ready for work, so he hides in his room till he’s gone. 

That’s how it goes for a month, Mac hides like the coward he is and he misses Jack. 

One day, when a Tuesday with a therapy night rolls around, Jack knocks on his door and says, “Mac, you comin’ to group night?”

The sound of his name brings tears to his eyes, because the last time he heard it was that day he fucked everything up, and Mac has to clear his throat before he can answer.

“M’not feeling so great.” It’s not a lie, his head hurts as does his throat. He’s just tired and needs to get some real sleep, not broken up by dreams he can’t remember. “I’m gonna sleep. You go ahead.”

There’s a long enough silence outside the door that Mac is sure he left when Jack calls out, “I’m comin’ in, Mac.”

The door creaks opens and Jack comes over to the bed, face lined with worried guilt, which is so wrong it makes Mac’s heart twist behind his ribs. 

“You okay?” Mac whispers and Jack shakes his head, like he can’t believe Mac would ask.

“I’m fine. But you’re clearly not.” Jack sighs, putting the back of his hand to Mac’s forehead. Mac has to close his eyes to keep himself from doing something embarrassing like crying. He doesn’t deserve this.

“M’fine.” Mac chokes out, so very near to tears, and Jack shushes him.

“You’re not, but you will be.” Jack promises kindly. He leaves the room and comes back with a glass of water and a cold rag, sitting on the bedside. 

Mac quietly thanks him for it, and lays back down, sighing when the cool rag finds its place above his brow. Jack pats his shoulder lightly and sighs again. “What’s step number two, hm?”

Mac’s eyes find Jack’s in the dim room. “Huh?”

“C’mon, you’re supposed to be a genius right? You made them, what’s step 2?”

Mac stares at him blankly, “eat and stay healthy.”

Jack nods approvingly but his frown is still present. “You look like you ain’t makin’ much effort for either.” 

Mac closes his eyes because he doesn’t want to explain his moping to Jack, but Jack apparently doesn’t need an explanation.

“Man, when you decide to do something, you don’t do anythin’ in half measures, do you? You decided I was mad at you and you went to ground to beat yourself up for it. You look like you haven’t slept in a while and like you lost some weight. I’m here to tell you that you can’t afford to do either. So I’m callin’ it. No more of this. I’m gonna get you some medicine, you’re gonna get some proper shut eye and tomorrow you and me are going to talk. Deal?”

Mac wonders for a moment if he’s having a hallucination but Jack smiles at him and the way his heart races feels real. “Deal.”

Jack’s gone only a minute before he comes back with the medicine. 

As soon as Mac takes it, Jack pats his shoulder and tells him quietly. “Get some rest.”

Mac nods, laying back down amongst his pillows, and he watches in confusion as Jack kicks off his shoes before he sits down on the other side of the bed. “Aren’t you going to the meeting?”

“Another time.” Jack says, turning his phone sideways to read an article and looking surprisingly comfortable in Mac’s bed. “I got things to do here.”

“But...”

Jack shushes him again, a quick sound that leaves no room for argument. “We had a deal, right? Talking is a tomorrow thing.”

Mac laughs under his breath and closes his eyes. Despite the nerves of what they’ll talk about tomorrow, Mac feels relaxed just by Jack being nearby and he gives into sleep with ease.

-

When morning comes, Mac wakes up naturally and to the smell of something savory simmering in the kitchen. He shuffles out to the main area to find Jack at the stove and he’s greeted with a smile.

“Hey there he is. Was startin’ to think you’d sleep all day. Feelin’ better?”

Mac yawns and nods, blinking at the clock in confusion when it reports a few minutes after noon. “Is that the time? Shit I have to call-“

“No one. I shut off your alarms and I called in for you. You needed to sleep. Come have some lunch, I made grilled turkey sandwiches and picked up some soup.”

Mac does as requested and practically inhales the food, especially the chicken soup, his favorite from their frequented deli. Jack eats across from him and while they don’t speak it’s an easy silence.

When they’re finished Jack, ushers Mac toward the couch and he sits down beside him, so familiar, like nothing changed over the last month. Mac doesn’t know where to begin so he waits for Jack to start the conversation and eventually he does.

“Listen, Mac... I know things got weird between us, mostly because I wanted some space and just sort of... ghosted you. I’m sorry about that.”

“Please don’t apologize.” Mac says quietly, “I’m the one who messed up.“

Jack shakes his head. “You made a mistake but you were quick to step back. I’m the one who let you believe I was mad.”

“You’re not mad?” Mac asks hopefully and Jack gives him a tiny grin.

“No. I’m not mad. I was... shocked more than anything. But not really mad. I just... you surprised me is all. Which I should expect by now because you’re full of surprises.”

Mac’s too deep in his relief to know Jack’s not angry to question that.

“But before we go any further into that, there’s something important I need to talk about with you. It’s about my new job.”

Mac’s self-absorbed worries fade back and he refocuses on Jack. “Is there a problem?”

Jack turns that brighter smile of his back to Mac and it feels so good to see it again. “Actually... it’s kind of the exact opposite of a problem. I got quite a bit more than I was expecting for a pay rate. And I did the math the other day... if all goes well, I’ll have enough cash to get my own place within, say, three months.”

Mac’s heart drops in his chest, disappointment a hot wash in his head. Jack may not be mad at him, but he is going to leave. But this was always the goal, right? Ultimately, everything he’s done to help Jack was to get him on his own feet again so he schools his reaction to be happy. “Wow, Jack, that’s great. I’m... I’m really proud of you.”

“Thank you, but I couldn’t have done it with your help, Mac.” Jack adds quietly.

Mac waves the praise off, “I just gave you a roof, dude. You did the rest.”

Jack shakes his head, eyes serious when he turns to Mac. “You did a lot more than that, Mac. We both know that. But... there is one little problem.”

Mac listens, ready to offer any help he can. He doesn’t want Jack to leave but he’ll give him anything he can to get Jack a little closer to whatever he needs.

“I said I could afford my place in three months... but what if I don’t want to get my own place?” Jack asks and it makes Mac’s mind go blank.

“Jack?” Mac asks, because he’s certain his brain misfired and he heard him wrong. Jack turns to him and takes one of Mac’s hands gently into his own, his perfectly warm eyes shyly hopeful.

“I know this whole situation is weirdly out of order, usually you don’t ask to move in with someone until after they’ve agreed to date you. But in the name of being upfront and all-“

“Jack.” Mac says again, his heart is about to stop out of pure desperation for a clarification. “Did you just say...” he can’t even finish because he doesn’t want to be wrong. 

“Say that I want to live here or that I’d like to give dating you a try?” Jack’s tender teasing smile grows wider. “No one’s going to make you say yes to either, but I want you to.”

Mac has to chew his lip to keep himself from getting emotional and all he can manage to do is nod. “Yes, god please yes.”

Jack opens his arms and Mac falls into them, wrapping his own around Jack’s ribs. He feels dangerously close to falling apart and Jack hugs him perfectly tight, an unsaid promise not to let go.

When he pulls back, Jack leans in to him this time till they’re inches apart, smiling and happy, and this kiss isn’t a surprise or an accident when it happens. It’s a soft thing, uncertain but beautiful, and Mac’s already hooked on this, craving the next one as soon as they come apart. But the next kiss will come in its own time, there’s no rush, he knows because Jack will be here and they’ll stick to step three for the time being.

Focus on today, tomorrow can wait.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ends our tale. I know it’s a bit sudden of a stop but it feels like the best ending I can give it for now.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it 🥰
> 
> Ps- i have a vague idea for a slightly smutty epilogue, you guys let me know if that’s something you want to see


End file.
